Dear A + B,
I wish I were brave enough to actually tell you this out loud and in real life, but I know I'm already treading a thin line by doing it here.
I've literally been pained the last few months by some of the things that you have said. I can't tell you how many nights I've cried, wishing that things were different. I just don't think that you realize how much you say affects me, even though I'm 21 years old.
I understand that you were offended by something that the bishop said in a letter. I get that, I really do. But even before that, when you looked at me and said that everything that I believed just wasn't true,
that killed me.
I was FIFTEEN. I don't think you realize that this church saved my life. Literally. There was a time that you were too busy constantly yelling at each other to see how much that affected me. You assumed I was strong, that I would get over it.
Truth is, it still haunts me.
Anyway, you might not agree with my religion. You might not understand why I cling to it the way that I do, but that is no reason to bad mouth it on a daily basis.
You'll believe almost anything on the internet about Congress or gun laws, but you won't take a chance on the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of the world?
You call it a cult and a bunch of other things that I'm not going to repeat, and yet at one time you were a part of it. You grew up with it. At one time you believed it too.
That's not even the part that gets me the most. The reason that I've spent so many hours thinking about this is the fact that I know that when I get married,
you won't be there.
And it's because of your own choices.
I already know that you're going to try to talk me out of it. That you're going to say that I can get a civil marriage and go through the temple later, but that's not how it's going to happen. I'm doing it the right way, at the right time, with the right person.
Last year when I went to the ranch I was sad to leave. I didn't want to leave my friends and you. This year I am beyond thrilled to leave. I can't handle being in this hostile of an environment anymore. Every day it's like I take a shot to the heart from something that you say.
I am so excited to be back in a place where I don't have to constantly be on my guard. Constantly biting my tongue to keep from saying something that I know will just turn you away from me. I'm so excited to be able to feel the Spirit freely. I don't think you realize how hard I work to keep it in my life.
I feel like I'm back in high school when I didn't want to come home. I am at that point now. I don't want to bring friends over because I don't know what you will say, and I know that you could care less if you offended them or me.
Truth is, no matter how hard I have to work. No matter how much opposition you throw at me. No matter how angry it makes you,
I WILL be married in the temple.
I WILL continue in the church.
I WILL believe.
