Dear T: That Should Be Us

Of all the weddings that I have been to in the recent past, I think that tonight's is going to be the hardest.

I was so happy for Lins and Cort, just like I am so happy for Cody and Camille, but here's the thing,

that should be us.

It should be us promising forever.

It should be us starting our lives together.

It should be us dancing to our song.

It should be us that everyone will be

talking about for the rest of the year.

But it's not.

Last weekend when I went branding with you and the family, I felt like things were okay.

Like we were okay.

Like I was going to be okay.

But I'm not.

I'm jealous.

I'm hurt.

I'm beyond sad.

but mostly,

I realized that 

I'm still in love with you.

I watched you with your little cousins, with Casey and Lindee's kids. 

I watched you doing what you love.

I watched you with your family.

and I saw myself falling all over again.

I'm not one of those girls that holds on forever when things end, but

I can't shake you.

I know I royally screwed up.

I know I haven't helped you like I should.

I know I'm not the best girl out there.

But I have a question.

Am I still the one you want to be with forever?

Am I still your best friend?

Does your dream still include me?

Because mine does.

Mine is you.

Mine will always be you.