Real Talk: Happiness

Let's talk happiness.

I mean real happiness, not those fleeting moments that you look back on and think to yourself, "Yeah, I can honestly say that I was happy then."

My friend's dad (who is also a bishop and has known me for almost 20 years) stopped me on my way to my institute class a couple weeks ago just to say hello and catch up for a second. We were just making small talk and then out of nowhere he says,
"Jess, why are you so happy all the time? I haven't seen you like this since you were little."
I looked the man straight in the eye and told him that life is SO good! It would be an injustice for me to say that my life is difficult or that I am doing any less than great because I am beyond blessed.

I'm not trying to say that my life is perfect by any means, but I can tell you exactly why my heart is so full. It is 100% because I really tried to turn myself to Christ during 2015 and continue to do so in 2016. I count my blessings every day, try to remember to have sincere daily prayer, study His life and teachings, and focus on being better through the mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

The way that 2014 ended made it so obvious to me that the only way to real and enduring happiness comes through drawing on the strength and grace of Christ and truly living his teachings to the fullest. I wasn't doing that before. Let's be honest, I'm still not doing as much as I know I could be, but that doesn't mean that I feel the love and peace of Christ any less. If anything else, that helps me realize that I truly need Him every hour of every day. We all do, even if we don't want to admit it.

I've always been one of those people is skeptical of people when they say things like this. I've always thought that to be happy you just have to force that way of thinking in your mind. Let me tell you, thinking happy might help turn things around, but the kind of happiness that shines out your face and emanates through your entire being, the kind that is contagious and influences everyone around you, that comes from Christ alone.

I know what you're thinking, "Jess, that's too easy. There's no way that's all it takes."
Guess what, it is easy! It's supposed to be! Don't start thinking that your life has to be overly complicated in order to be happy!

That's the beauty of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It's simple enough that a child can understand it, but it takes a lifetime of study to even begin to comprehend the great amount of love and grace that Christ bestows upon each of us, even though we are sinful, prideful people. I don't know of anything more humbling than to realize that a man, born of God, descended to the absolute depths of hell to better help raise us up to become the people that we were destined to be. How wonderful it is to realize that we need never be alone. Christ, a very God, is there 100% of the time.
He is there when you want him to be.
He is there when you ignore him.
He is there when you are in the darkest times of your life.
Look for Him.
Look and you will find.

And guess what, when you find Him, you'll find your happy.

How Losing My Faith Helped Me Find It

As y'all know, 2014 was NOT the best year for me. But there's something that I haven't really mentioned: the fact that I lost faith.

I lost nearly all faith in God and the love that He has for me and you.

Being the only member of the Church in your family is already hard enough, but when you have something that 100% rocks your world and essentially rips you apart inside, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Some of you may know that when T came into my life, I had been praying and really looking for that someone that I would spend the rest of eternity with. It was a conscious thing. And the first day that I saw him I had this overwhelming feeling come over me; something inside said,
"He's the one you're going to marry."

I didn't even know him. I didn't know his name or where he was from or what he was like, all I knew was what had been spoken to my heart that day. It was a month before he and I ever spoke beyond some small talk in class...

And then we didn't stop talking.
Then we started dating.
I met his family and fell in love with them.
It was then that I realized that I was head over heels in love with him too.
Two days later, I told him how I felt.

Off and on he would mention that he was having doubts about us.
About where the relationship was going.
About whether we really were supposed to spend forever together.

I had so much faith that it would work - that if we just put our trust in God and in each other's love that it would work out and the doubts would diminish.

And then they didn't.

 The first time we decided to take a break, I thought that my heart would never mend. I sat on his lap in the big blue chair and cried while he held me. Then I walked out the door and swore that I was going to be all right by the time that I saw him the next day in class.

That next day he told me that he realized he made a huge mistake and that he wanted to get back together, so we did. A couple months later we were driving back home from a rodeo in his hometown and he looked over at me and said,
"I want to get married. And I want to marry you."

So we told our families and it became kind of a waiting game until we both were in a place mentally, physically, and spiritually that was good enough for us to get married.

And then we broke up again.

I felt like my world was crushed.

I had prayed for this, why wasn't God helping us?
Why were things getting harder?
Why did T choose to leave even though we were still in love?
Wasn't I good enough?

I was angry.
I was angry at God for taking the one I loved away from me.
I was angry that T changed his mind.
I was angry that I let myself fall so hard for someone who wasn't sure about me.

On top of being angry, I was depressed. I've had a pretty consistent battle with depression since I was little, so the little ups and downs weren't a big surprise, but I hit absolute rock bottom.
I cried for weeks. I couldn't look people in the eye because I didn't want to see the look of pity that they gave me when they heard what happened. I thought about suicide. I thought about drinking the pain away. I thought about disappearing completely; just getting in the car and going.

I turned away from the single source that I knew would give me strength and peace,
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

I had talked to T about these feelings and anxieties that I was having and he, in turn, told his bishop... who told my bishop... who called me and claimed he just "wanted to chat."

Did I want to go to Bishop's office? No.
I didn't have the strength or courage to face him.
I was so afraid that he was going to judge me, that I was going to become one of those Mormon "projects."

But that's not what happened.

I shook his hand and sat down across the desk from him and he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Jess, you look like you've been through hell."

I lost it.
I cried so hard that I couldn't form coherent words, let alone an actual sentence.
And he let me cry. He said that he already knew what happened because of the conversation he had with T's bishop so I didn't have to say anything about it right then. Then he said something that I will never forget: he said,
"Jess, you are SO loved. I know you're having a hard time, but please don't push your Heavenly Father away. He and Jesus Christ know you, they love you, and they hate seeing you hurting like this."

For some reason, something inside me snapped. I knew that I had to turn my life around because I couldn't go on living like I was. Things didn't get easier at first. Actually, they got harder. The anger didn't get better. The depression didn't get better. I went through the motions and wondered time and again if all the pain and suffering was actually worth it.

Let me tell you folks, it was worth it.

Rock bottom became the sure foundation upon which I have built this new life.

I'm consistently finding myself expressing gratitude to my Father for the wonderful life that He has given me a second chance at. I am eternally grateful for my wonderful Savior who took upon himself my sins and heartaches. It is so comforting to know that He knows exactly what I'm going through, because He went through it FOR me in the Garden of Gethsemane so that He could succor me as I experienced a fraction of what He felt.

My friends,
don't ever think that you are a burden to God.
Don't ever think that He does not care about you, HE DOES!!
Don't ever think that you are alone in this life, HE IS THERE.
Most of all, don't ever think that you are a lost cause. Jesus Christ is continually beckoning to each of us, calling out to us in the darkness saying, "Come unto me."
So come! Come to Him! He is waiting to embrace you and fill the cracks in your heart with the healing balm of His love;
and I promise He will if you reach out to Him because He did the same for me. 

The Master Surgeon

I was in institute about a week ago and I heard the most beautiful analogy that hit me like a ton of bricks. I haven't been able to get it off my mind, so I am taking it as a sign that I need to share it. 

We have all heard the comparison of Jesus Christ being the Master Carpenter of our lives; in this analogy, He is the Master Surgeon of our hearts.

Imagine this:

You are a patient with a heart condition, laying on the table about to undergo open heart surgery. 

Just before the anesthesiologist puts you under, you look up and recognize your surgeon from somewhere, but are not sure how you know him; he smiles and winks at you, then they put you under, and the surgery begins.

In an open heart surgery, a few things happen before the surgeon can actually get his hands on your heart. First they have to open the skin using a scalpel- they cut through skin and muscle until they can pull the layers back to reveal your rib cage. At this point they bring in an electric saw, cutting your ribs apart until it is possible to fold those back as well to reveal the lungs, heart, and other vital organs. 

So there you are, laying face-up on the operating table, heart fully exposed and your life is literally in the hands of the surgeon. Although the surgery is not yet over, the anesthesia wears off and you wake up. Immediately you are overcome with the most intense pain that you have ever experienced. You cry out to the surgeon, "Please, please stop cutting. I am in so much pain already, why do you insist on continuing when you know that I am fully alert and feeling every touch of the blade?"

At this point this most trusted surgeon looks you in the eye, scalpel in hand, and says, 

"My child, you don't understand. If I stop cutting, the procedure will have been in vain. Your heart will not grow stronger or get any better. I know that you are in pain, but you can take confidence that I have performed this procedure thousands of times. Please trust me when I say that it will only last for a short amount of time and that you will come out of this surgery a better, stronger person than you were before. Please, please trust me."

The surgeon that so delicately held and continued to cut your heart despite the pain that He was inflicting, is none other than the Savior, Jesus Christ. 

He understands our pain. 

He understands it perfectly. 

In all reality, He is the only one that understands our pain. You see, He experienced it. He literally took our pains upon himself. He is the only one qualified to change our hearts and change our lives. 

He is the Savior of the world. 

He is YOUR Savior,

He loves you. 

He loves you more than anything. He literally exchanged His life for the possibility that you would choose to follow Him. He took a gamble on you. Even if you do not remain faithful to Him, He is always there, hands outstretched, ready to envelop you in a loving embrace, beckoning to you,

"Come follow me."

Our hearts are in His hands. Though it may hurt at times; though we may beg and plead with Him to stop cutting, He loves us enough to continue the surgery. You are never too far gone to turn to Him. He is willing to go to the depths of Hell itself to rescue each one of us individually. His love is THAT real, and THAT strong. 

Just listen when the Master Surgeon says,

"I know that you are in pain, but you can take confidence that I have performed this procedure thousands of times. Please trust me when I say that it will only last for a short amount of time and that you will come out of this surgery a better, stronger person than you were before."

(All images were found by searching "Reflections of Christ by Mark Mabry." There is also a short YouTube video with these and several other images depicting the life of Jesus Christ that is available by searching the same title.)

Mistakes

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.

Some minor, some not so minor. These things have a way of ripping me apart from the inside-out.

I start to dwell on them, thinking the situation over and over again, wondering,

what if?

What if I would have listened to my conscience and gotten out of the situation?

What if I had said something different?

What if I would have been somewhere else?

What if I had walked away?

What if...?

Thinking all these things has left me feeling  

empty, unwanted, overwhelmed, unworthy, depressed, 

and most of all, 

afraid.

I was talking to Tyler today and he said something that made this thought click in my head. 

It was firm and unwavering.

No matter what we have done, no matter how unworthy we feel we are, no matter how far we have strayed,

no matter what kind of hell we are in,

WE ARE LOVED.

We are loved unconditionally by a Father in Heaven, the very Creator of the Universe, who would not forsake us because we made a mistake or two. That's the thing about this life, we are going to screw up. He knew that. That's why He sent his Son to perform the Atonement. The Atonement covers each of our imperfections, each of our mistakes, if we give them to God and trust that He will care for us.

I promise you that He will. He will care for you. He will heal your broken heart. He will remove the anguish of sin and heartache. He will make it so that you can overcome any trial. 

Why else would we be here on this Earth if not to learn and overcome and become the kind of men and women that we have the potential to be? Our divine potential is so great! Nothing can take that from you. No sin, no mistake, no act will remove that.

That's the one thing that I know for sure, that we are SO loved, that we are never going to do anything that will estrange us from that love. 

It's easier said than done, I know. I am still learning to apply this in my own life, especially when I know that I have done something that is life-altering, something that is not to be taken lightly. Even though I know that I have screwed up and that I need to repent and move forward, I can't shake the thought that I am still loved and cherished, that I can and will overcome. Maybe not right now, maybe not even in the next month, but I will get better through the goodness, grace, and mercy of God. 

[Dear A + B] Things I Can't Say

Dear A + B,

I wish I were brave enough to actually tell you this out loud and in real life, but I know I'm already treading a thin line by doing it here.

I've literally been pained the last few months by some of the things that you have said. I can't tell you how many nights I've cried, wishing that things were different. I just don't think that you realize how much you say affects me, even though I'm 21 years old.

I understand that you were offended by something that the bishop said in a letter. I get that, I really do. But even before that, when you looked at me and said that everything that I believed just wasn't true,

that killed me.

I was FIFTEEN. I don't think you realize that this church saved my life. Literally. There was a time that you were too busy constantly yelling at each other to see how much that affected me. You assumed I was strong, that I would get over it.

Truth is, it still haunts me.

Anyway, you might not agree with my religion. You might not understand why I cling to it the way that I do, but that is no reason to bad mouth it on a daily basis.

You'll believe almost anything on the internet about Congress or gun laws, but you won't take a chance on the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of the world?

You call it a cult and a bunch of other things that I'm not going to repeat, and yet at one time you were a part of it. You grew up with it. At one time you believed it too.

That's not even the part that gets me the most. The reason that I've spent so many hours thinking about this is the fact that I know that when I get married,

you won't be there.

And it's because of your own choices.

I already know that you're going to try to talk me out of it. That you're going to say that I can get a civil marriage and go through the temple later, but that's not how it's going to happen. I'm doing it the right way, at the right time, with the right person.

Last year when I went to the ranch I was sad to leave. I didn't want to leave my friends and you. This year I am beyond thrilled to leave. I can't handle being in this hostile of an environment anymore. Every day it's like I take a shot to the heart from something that you say.

I am so excited to be back in a place where I don't have to constantly be on my guard. Constantly biting my tongue to keep from saying something that I know will just turn you away from me. I'm so excited to be able to feel the Spirit freely. I don't think you realize how hard I work to keep it in my life.

I feel like I'm back in high school when I didn't want to come home. I am at that point now. I don't want to bring friends over because I don't know what you will say, and I know that you could care less if you offended them or me.

Truth is, no matter how hard I have to work. No matter how much opposition you throw at me. No matter how angry it makes you,

I WILL be married in the temple.

I WILL continue in the church.

I WILL believe.

Easter

Today is one of my favorite holidays.

I love Easter so much!

I don't usually do this because it is kind of a contested issue in my house, but I have felt impressed all day to

let you all know how I feel.

I bear witness that Jesus is the Christ.

He has come, and He will return again.

He atoned for each one of us, sacrificing his life and taking it up again so that each of us could do the same.

It is because of His plan that we are able to live with our families in the eternities.

It is because of Him that we are forgiven of our sins.

He is my elder brother, my Savior, and my friend.

He is the One. 

He is the one we can turn to with any of our problems because he has been there.

He literally took upon himself all of our hurts, our afflictions, our sorrows, and our sins so that He could know how best to succor us in our time of need. He is the Great Mediator. It is through Him that my

debts are forgiven.

I know that it is through Him that I can become better. He is the only way to return to God and to be with our families again. I know that He has come again to this Earth to restore His gospel in preparation for His return and that it was done through his humble servant, Joseph Smith, Jr.

I know that he will never turn away from us. He is continually stretching forth His arms to embrace us. It does not matter how far we have wandered away from His fold, He will always accept us. There is no distance that the Atonement and Christ's great love cannot cover to touch us.

"He is the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New...Jesus is the Living Christ,

the immortal Son of God. He is the great King Immanuel, who stands today on the right hand of His Father. He is the light, the life, and the hope of the world." -The Living Christ

Family

Ya'll know how I am always calling my coworkers and friends at the ranch my family?

Well, that's because it's true.

We. Are. A. Family.

Today we got the sad news that one of our cowboys, Clancey, was killed in a car accident and his brother, Joe, was injured as well. 

Clancey was only 20 years old.

Although Clancey and I didn't work at the ranch at the same time, I had the opportunity to meet him on a few occasions. Hands down, this kid was going places. He was an incredible young man, always had a smile on his face, and from what I hear, he was quite the heartbreaker wherever he went.

My heart breaks for the Rinderknecht family at the loss of their son and brother.

I am so thankful for the knowledge of eternal families. It is such a comfort to know that Clancey will be reunited with his family in the eternities. He will truly be missed.

He's riding the great horses in the sky now.

XO and RIP, buddy!

Beaten

Last night I was thinking about my b-e-a-utiful Sugar baby.

I remember when she was born. It was like we were insta-best friends. I halter broke her a week or so after she was born, I was always riding my bike to my grandparent's house to comb her and laugh at all the funny things she did.

And then I fell into this phase where I hated the farm. I hated the horses, I hated the cows, I hated all of it. I hated it so much that I didn't even feel any remorse when my barn and almost two years worth of hay crop burned in a fire. I just didn't care. I didn't even drive 'down around the loop' for almost five years.

In that time, Sugar's mom had died  and she had been taken to a trainer to break her. [keep in mind that I really didn't care] I didn't even know when she got back to the farm.

Since I had no real desire to be around her or do anything with her, my Gramps sent her to this guy whose family had always had horses. He trained her as a roping horse, which is awesome, but he also beat her. As in abuse beat her. If you really pay attention when you pet her back you can feel the scars from the welts.

Anyway, I came back into the fold and realized that I was an idiot for leaving. I asked my grandpa a bunch of times if I could somehow get Sugar to go riding. Finally the guy brought her back and told Gramps that he "didn't have time for her anymore" I was so excited when I saw her that I started crying.

I went over just to see what was up, pet her and such, just get reacquainted.

She came running down the pasture to me, but as soon as I reached my hand out to pet her

she shied away.

Let me tell ya. 

There is nothing more disappointing than having someone (or something) that you love turn from you and run.

So I finally got her to the point that I could ride. I went a few times, but when it got cold, I didn't go over as often. She went back to being afraid of everything.

It's taken a lot of work to get her to the point that she is at right now. She's still not top notch, but she's a lot better than she was. Just like everyone else, she has her days.

Some days I spend hours sitting in the middle of the pasture, not being able to get within 10 feet of her. Other days she walks right up.

This is why I added a second major,

Equine Science.

I want to help horses like this.

I want to teach them they don't need to be afraid.

Anyway, to the point here.

In my institute class we have to write our own parables. I was thinking that this could work.

Remember when the disciples and Christ were on a boat and the sea was all stormy and they woke Him and asked to calm the sea? and then he asked

"Why are ye fearful?" [Matt. 8:26]

I got thinking about this.  I've been like Sugar lately: I've been afraid. I've been skiddish. I haven't been  trusting when I have no reason not to trust Him. I was so willing to give up everything before.

  wasn't afraid to drop everything at His request. I would come running when He would beckon.

I've been beaten.

Why do we shy away when we know that He is there to help us, to be our advocate?

If we took half of the time that we take to learn secular things, we would be so so much better off. We would realize that there is nothing that we can do in this life that will make Him love us any less. There is nothing that we can't come back from. We just need that little bit of faith. That little bit of trust in Him that He's not going to beat us. He's not going to condemn us. 

That's just not how it works

2013: The Beginning

So as of late, I've been kind of.... lost.

I mean, I keep it together, after all that is what I do best.

But I've been wandering.

And I don't mean wandering in a good way.

It's been one of those

What am I doing?

Am I really supposed to do this?

Is this really where I'm supposed to be?

Am I insane for adding another major and changing everything around?

kind of things.

As in questioning basically everything in my life.

Even those things that I know deep down are real.

Things like school, religion, family, etc.

I've been so wrapped up in myself lately.

I don't mean in a conceited way, I mean like lost in my own head.

Letting in thoughts that I know are not from the spirit, nor are good for me.

Today in sacrament meeting I was sitting there, listening to all these other people, really strong people, sharing their testimonies of the Church and about the things that come with a new year. Then next thing I know I am walking up to the pulpit-- from the very back row.

So after this walk of shame, it was like some completely different person started talking. Everything I said was true, and came from real experiences that I have had lately, but I just hadn't made the connection

until I started talking.

It went something like this:

I was walking my horse the other day (she was being a snot and needed to learn a lesson so we were walking on my terms instead of on hers) and I was asking myself a bunch of questions and stressing about things that I really didn't need to worry about.

Next thing I know, Sugar STOMPS on my foot. and when I say stomp, I mean like pick-foot-completely-up-slam-it-down- lean-full-weight-into-foot-for-an-extended-period kind of stomp. I was crying by the time she got off.

Anyway, she stomped on my toes while I was mid pity party and I had this thought, actually it was more of a

brick to the head kind of thought of

I don't need to worry about this stuff.

I don't need to stress about the fact that I am only a year away from graduating and I am changing my major completely around. I don't need to- nor do I have the right to- question God or His timing.

I don't need to worry about things that are so far down the road. I have so many things left to do, and those paths could, and probably will, take me far from what and where I thought I would be.

It was like the feeling of the last 4 months of self-loathing, loneliness, depression, confusion, and darkness was lifted for a minute. Don't get me wrong, I still feel that. Even today, six hours after this experience. I don't think it will ever go fully away, at least not for a while. But there for a while it was like I could

finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could breathe. and it was incredible.

PS did I mention that 13 is my favorite number? therefore 2013 is going to be MY YEAR.

I can feel the winds of change blowing again, and last time they did, it led me to the greatest adventure of my life.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Well folks, I've done it!

I've made it a whole month of listing the things that I am thankful for.

Here I thought I would run out of things to put on here, but I am finding that I have so much more that I would like to talk about.

I have a lot more than these 30 simple blessings, so I'm thinking that I'll probably continue this 'attitude of gratitude' thing as things come to me.

So, here it is. The final post for my

November 2011 gratitude journal.

November 30, 2011

I am so, so thankful for the life that I have! 

[beware, this is going to  be a lot of summarizing of the last 29 days, but I'm writing what I feel]

First off, I am grateful that I have a loving, merciful Heavenly Father who  knows me by name, who knows what I need most to become the best person that I can be. I am grateful that He was  willing to send his Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for  my sins so that I could have the opportunity to  return to live with Him again. This is something that I could never repay, although  I will certainly try

every day of my life.

I am grateful for all of the incredible people who support me in all that I do. I truly owe ya'll so so so much. I wouldn't be where I am without you and your examples.

Thank you especially to my second mommy Linda, [its her birthday today] for teaching me what it means to be a real, classy lady and showing me that I really can achieve the things that I strive for, even if it means having to make some difficult decisions along the way. Thank you for being my counselor, my mom, my Young Women's leader, but most of all, thank you for being my friend.

Thank you to Tauni Shae, I know I've said before that you are my best friend, and that I owe you. But really, you have taught me so many things that it's difficult for me to put into words how grateful that I am to

have you as my best friend.

and finally, Thank you to my family. I love you so much, and I know that at some points I have been a pain in the butt, I have been more than difficult, I have been obnoxious, I have been a spoiled brat, but I can't even describe how much I appreciate all that you sacrifice so that I can be happy. The things that you

have done haven't gone unnoticed, sometimes I just have a hard time saying what I feel in my heart.

I am so thankful that I have so many great opportunities to do whatever it is that I want to do. I love that I live in a place that I can have a hundred different hobbies that I can spread across the year, keeping things fresh.

I am blessed to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I really do know that I am

part of a 'great work and a wonder' on the earth today. I know that I am able to pray to and receive answers from God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ at any time. I am so thankful for that constant line of communication.

Ahh! I have so many things to say, but this post is getting a little on the lengthy side, so I'll leave you all with the video that is the title of this post, Come Thou Fount as sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Wedding Bells {An Example}

November Nineteenth

I'm grateful for great examples.

Today was the big day. Well, big day number two [of three for this year] it was one of my best friend's  weddings.

Who would have guessed fifteen years ago when I met this super weird yet hilarious girl that we would still be friends on her wedding day. Or that she would choose me to be part of her bridal party.

I am so so proud of McKenna. [and of Tanner, but ya know he's not really important for the time being] She is everything that I could ask for in a friend. She is beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.

Kenna is really one of the few people when I was a kid that I could talk to about the Church. We would have these long conversations about things that most kids wouldn't even think of talking to their friends about.

Kenna Lynn helped me to realize what I really wanted, and that I deserve to have an eternal family and be sealed forever to my husband [wherever he may be]

I am so glad that I have friends who share my standards and that aren't afraid to talk with me about things related to church just because my family aren't active members.

It truly is because of these people that I am so happy with my status in life, and that I have such a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and of the Restored Gospel on the Earth today. I don't know [nor do I want to think about] where I would be without them.

NAAAP TIME

day 13

thirteen is my favorite number! good day.

I am thankful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I went to my friend's homecoming talk since she just got home from her LDS mission in Romania.

She reminded me how incredible the Gospel is. And how fortunate I am to be a part of a religion that is so focused on families and a love of Jesus Christ.

I am also thankful for nap time.

After I got home, I took a nap. it was b-e-a-utiful.

Now let's hope that I can sleep tonight.

Excellent day of church, A glorious hour long nap, it doesn't get much better than this.

It's Up To You

I am LDS.

I don't think I mentioned that before; but it's true, I am, and I love it.

I've been in a sort of strange mood lately.

Not strange as in I am acting differently, I just feel more grateful and more aware of the many blessings that I have in my life.

Tonight at Institute [it's basically a religion class for those who don't know] we were talking about the heart and about aligning our lives with God and accepting His will.

Brother Roberts [my teacher], has repeated several times over the last few weeks of class that

EVERY DAY IS A PERFECT DAY

Yes, we're going to screw up, but we are able to make every day perfect by pouring out our hearts and minds to the Lord and He will make us perfect. 

I just think that that is an incredible thing; that the Lord of all would be willing to make every day of our lives perfect through the Atonement. What a promise!

Another thing about aligning our will with the Lord's. Brother Roberts also said tonight that "sometimes you think you're going to go down the highway of life, but the Lord will send you off on a dirt road, and sometimes even out into the middle of a field before you realize that that was exactly what you needed at the time."