Dear T: The Truth

I don't know why this is so hard for me to say. Especially since I'm fairly sure that you feel the same way I do. But here we go, prepare for a lot of word vomiting and me talking in circles.

I like you.

You know that already though. Well, let's be honest, just about everyone knows that. You're exactly the kind of man I always imagined myself marrying. I have always been so afraid that I set myself up for failure because I had these insanely high standards, yet here you are.

Everything we have done together, all of our talks, it's all beyond my wildest dreams, and that scares me.

I can feel myself falling. 

And I'm so afraid that you're not going to be there to catch me at the bottom.

Really, when I told you that I thought I had been in love before, it was nothing even relatively close to this.

This is a whole new ball game.

This is real.

And that scares me too.

The future scares me, and right now I'm most scared that there is that possibility that there could be a future that you're not a part of.

I don't care that you'll be gone every weekend to a rodeo, I don't care that you'll only have $50 to your name. You have a dream, and I wouldn't dare ask you to give that up. You should never have to. If anything, all of this just makes me like you even more.

Every day I tell myself that this is crazy. I mean, it hasn't even been a month yet, but here I am turning into a softy, smiling about something you said or did a week ago, listening to all these love songs, thinking about you all the time. I don't know what's happening to me.

From the beginning I felt like something just clicked. I've fought it and I've fought it, but I realize that

there is something to this. It's constantly on my mind, even when I tell you that I'm not thinking of anything of consequence.

I've been thinking a lot about things this weekend, and last night it hit me.

It hit me really hard, like a 2x4 to the head.

So, here it is.

I love you too.

That's it.

Cut and dried.

The beginning and the end.

and I think I knew it all along.