The 4-Letter 'L' Word: Part 2

I was thinking earlier today
and it dawned on me that
my greatest fear and my biggest dream are
the same.
Not even my best friends know that.
I guess they will now..

As I said previously, all I really want in life is to be loved.
Loved by someone outside of my immediate family and friends.
Outside of God and the people who have to love me.
BUT that's just half of it.
I want to fall madly,
ridiculously,
truly,
undeniably,
head-over-heels
in love.

Part two of this situation is my fear:
that of actually falling for someone,
giving him my whole heart,
and having him toss it aside like it's nothing.
That's yet another part of why I have built these walls,
these impossible walls,
so high.

They say, "you just have to find the one who will climb those walls"
easier said than done, my friends.
I am afraid.
I am afraid to even give the poor guy a chance.
When I feel anyone getting 'too close' to my heart,
'too close' to seeing how truly scared I am,
I run.
"Run Forest, Run!"

Now you see how conflicted I am.
It's frustrating, no?
It's one of those
'paint a smile on' times.
Hopefully somewhere out there is someone,
someone to teach me that it's okay.
It's okay to wear your heart on your sleeve.